Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm passing your future prison.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
