Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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