Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
