guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
