): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Randomize
