im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
