evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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