you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
