Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
