You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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