dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
