3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
