Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
