i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
