Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
