I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
