so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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