May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
