Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
