Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
