I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dear god my vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
