Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
