i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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