This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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