Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
