i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
