sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
