A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
