Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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