I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
