i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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