I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
