If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
