i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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