yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
