the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
