it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
