if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
