Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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