I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
