I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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