I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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