After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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