i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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