you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
