actually, I'm a sock model
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
