I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Damn victory sex feels great
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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