i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
