No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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