I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
