Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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