what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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