Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize